All I know is that I had a student: quiet, shy, brilliant, and secretly hilarious young woman, who was obsessed with Anna Nicole Smith. It wasn't, like, fanatically-obsessed, but she held an attraction that was comedic, captivating, and always crisp. Whenever anything was in doubt in my English class, the student would say, "We need to consult with the Anna Nicole Smith show to help us figure out a solution for our problems."
She never missed an episode of the show.
Now I have to tap memory-lane here, because it's been a long time, and a lot of life, since the Anna Nicole Smith Show was on E!. I don't even know if E! exists anymore, but I do know that while I lived in Kentucky, any time I stopped on E! I was hooked by trashy television I didn't want to watch, but that lured me in nonetheless. That's how I learned of Anna Nicole Smith. She lived a fascinating life, including a short marriage with a man from the blue grass state. She modeled for a bit and seemed to have a thing for old guys on their death bed, too. She may or may not have been an addict. That is still debated. I think she's a natural blonde, but I'm not 100% sure about that. I'd have to do more research.
Leah could channel Anna Nicole Smith like no other, and although hesitant to contribute to class conversations, she could quote the Anna Nicole Smith show to bring wisdom to my room no matter what we were discussing: Plato's Allegory of the Cave, there was an episode of Anna. Want to teach Euripides...well, Anna could write a Greek Tragedy. Lady Macbeth? Please. Did you see Anna's humping miniature poodle?
I know all of us have lived a foreboding year, but when I woke up this morning, I immediately thought, "My God. I need to locate Leah. We need to do a seance and bring Anna Nicole Smith back from the dead. WWAD - What would Anna do? She always had solutions that made us all think very deeply about the universe. She was a sage ahead of her time. She could fix today's woes!"
Then I found Ndalia Bagratoni's Ode to the celebrity, worth sharing here:
Oh, Anna Nicole Smith,
Please oh, oh Please
Do not read this!
What has happened to the concept,
That the media has exploited you,
Forget the simple fact that your fans adore you,
Have you bothered to look into a mirror,
And if you did what would you see?
Seldom has a celebrity,
Crashed and burned as you have done.
Normally if that has happened E would run
It on True Hollywood Stories.
Now, unless I lost my TV Guide,
You are on your own comedy.
The tragic problem is that we are laughing at you,
Does this hurt?
Do you feel it inside.
IF you do,
And you must,
Please do us a favor,
Take a vacation,
Learn to drive,
Get a life,
But most all,
Get off TV before the fall.
The new season opened,
And so far is a ratings war,
E wanted a winner and came up with just another big bust!
Nothing like beautiful poetry to idolize an icon.
So, yesterday, I located friends on Facebook and began to search for Leah. In the process I also learned of this wonderful poem by Natalia Bagratun. Then I found out that the wonderful Margaret Cho, comedian and deliverer of incredible tribute songs, made this video about Anna Nicole Smith - her Candle in the Wind salute to an angel taken way too soon. I am now wondering if we were to have a resurrection party, if I could get Leah, Margaret, and Natalia in the same room for a meeting. The spirit is very needed these days.
I personally think she'd help us to find a way out of this past year. If anyone could do it, it would be her. Life seemed so much simpler when she was gracing the air with her beauty and brilliance. I wish I could go back in time to have Leah enter room 301 to share the latest knowledge-nugget gained from the show.
Phew. We could all Anna Nicole Smith right now.
Or maybe, she was the Cassandra of yesteryear warning us where we'd be today.
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