Merry Christmas, Everyone, from Salem, I Mean, Clay, New York. I Am Thrilled To Say that Roman, I Mean, My Dad, Chased Satan Away

Greetings from Salem, I mean, Clay, New York.

Dear Santa,

I want to thank you for unraveling an uneventful Christmas Eve. It was normal, like usual...so it always is with the Days of Our Lives. Yes, Satan arrived with her blazing torches to burn down my sister's Christmas tree, but it was no match for Roman...I mean my father...who came in to rescue the tree. And lucky for me, the eye I poked doing electrical work is much better. I know longer have to cover it, so I didn't have to come this year as Patch.

My older sister, however, did shave her head to look like my cousin Mark. Actually, I think she also worked on my father's mustache, because it's all sorts of crooked. Oh, never mind. He did that on his own because he took a shower to get ready for events on Christmas Eve.

Yes, my father may not be Victor Kiriakis or Stefano Dimera (guaranteed I spelled that wrong, but I know that Stephanie Caroli will call my mom, and then my mom will call me and tell me the correct spelling), but he did have the magical necklace that caused that evil, satanic bitch to fly across the room and smash into the walls. Don't worry. Cynde will be okay, even if Marlena did knock a few fixtures off the wall.

But it was a good celebration, Santa Claus. Although none of us are quite up to my mother's second family in Salem, she's learned to tolerate us in Clay. What else can I say?

Oh, Nikki's hair looked really good, so she volunteered to get the Christmas ornaments so Mrs. Horton I mean Maggie, I mean my mom would be able to hang them on the tree with her lover for life, Roman, I mean Butch (son of a Butch, Crandall. son of a Butch). 

And yes, there's only one flake like Mike...one cracker for Dave. Indeed, ugly sweaters were handed out and I believe a few abominable snowmen and a moose showed up to the festivities (or it might have been Abe, Eugene, and Calliope...I always forget). 

It's all good, though, because the love was shared and as we learned in Salem, I mean Clay, New York, LOVE ALWAYS WINS. LOVE IS NO MATCH FOR SATAN. 

Take that, Marlena and Days of Our Lives fans. Take that.

I hope the hot cocoa and salt potatoes I left you were to your liking, Santa. I got the recipe from the Japanese salt lick in downtown Syracuse. Please, Santa, bring peace, love, and joy to everyone I've been praying for and yes, it's okay to give out coal to those who are hateful, vicious, and repulsive. They deserve it. 

Finally, any bourbon you want to bring my way, or Chitunga's, we are grateful. We learned this from our friend in Kentucky....another Sue. No, not the Susan Crandall that died and was listed in an obituary. That wasn't the Sue I'm talking about, either. McV. That Sue.

Here's to the reason for the season.

Bry