The Oldie, But Goodie, Of Internal Prayers, Whispered Within, and Sometimes Aloud, Since 1989 When I First Heard It...Seeking Wisdom to Know the Difference for Over 30 Years

When I was a senior in high school, I was approached with my friend Melanie (now a PhD at Syracuse) and my friend Laura (wish I knew where she was) to participate in a pilot program at an office of Social Work in North Syracuse. The social workers at the facility offered 3 internships for seniors to be peer advisors for fellow teenagers throughout central New York, where we simply worked to offer friendship, guidance, listening ears, and support to fellow youth going through a lot in their lives. It was there I learned the Serenity Prayer, and internalized the motto in my life. 

In later years, I learned it was a mantra for AA and that made sense, as mottos for overcoming extreme difficulty are both helpful and healing from time to time. I've used the prayer almost daily ever since. The bottom line is that there are some things in life that are just overwhelming and extreme, and it is humanly impossible to correct them. Having the wisdom "to know the difference" is the key.

More often than not, I've had the "courage to change the things I can," but I've also been savvy to recognize what is out of my control. I can only be responsible for my attitude and my actions. That is why I've always lived (at least I think) where my choices and actions speak louder than my words.

It's the Matrix swirl: take the garbage, swirl it around and put it to the side. Yet, when the garbage piles and piles and piles, and there's no visible way to contend with it, I simply have to think about how it is affecting my attitude and/or paralyzing my actions. And I just want good. I seek fairness and equity, and nothing makes me happier than those who act with integrity and joy. When this is defeated, I have to return to being able to "accept the things I cannot change," "the courage to change the things I can," and of course, "the wisdom to know the difference."

I suppose what makes me such a jerk is I want and expect more of the world and those around me. And so this is what I'm wrestling with on a Sunday morning, knowing I have to contend with what my heart and mind have been telling me for many years now, amidst the weight of adulthood, maturity, and responsibilities. For sanity's sake, I have to find the adjustments necessary so I can live a happier, better life. No fun having the icky feeling in your stomach.

This is where I am this morning as I drink my morning coffee. Yes, I'm disillusioned by the universe right now, but I've been in this space before and made the adjustments necessary to grow and to be stronger. I  look for The Great Whatever to offer me a path forward. This is how it is, has been, and will always be. 

God, grant me serenity.